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Date: 10 Feb 2006
At 26 parkplace to parkbench
working my way back up
My name is carolynn, I had been in a very abusive relationship and began
doing opiates to ease the pain. Mind you i was 18. At 21 I began
intravenously injecting heroin and in a few short months dropped out of
college. In the last 5 years i lost everything in and out of jail and
my own mother had me raped by a dealer. I have two young children. I
grew up with my grandmother and my mom is an addict, i dont know my
father. It took me many rehabs and jail in order to be willing to
surrender to this sick disease. Today I'm back in school, i have my own
buisness, and regained joint legal custody of my children. Thanks to my
sponsor, the twelve steps, and God i am able to try my best on a daily
basis to be the best person i can just for one day. If you are feeling
hopeless and helpless their are places for you to go dont give up on
life it can only get better if only you do the footwork to make it
better.
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Date: 25 May 2006
I live with a young hispanic
male who I think is either injecting heroin or sniffing it I have lived
with him for seven years and I can not give up on him we spend 50 to 60
dollars a day and I only make 80 he is very skinny and always asleep
when not doing drugs I need treatment for him
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Date: 29 May 2006
My brother has been a heroin
addict for the last 5 years. I have been ther for him throughout. He
recently got clean, had a good job and moved back home with us, he was
doing so amazing. I then found out he'd been suspended from his job for
doing drugs, he promised me he'd sort himself out and i started taking
him to the gym and spending loads of time with him! i walked into his
room today to find him injecting and i dont know what to do! if i tell
my parents he'll get chucked out and probabbly get in a total mess again
but if i dont then i'm lying and that make sme as bad as him. i find it
so difficult to know whats best! i love him and he's a great brother
when he's not near that crap. nothing i say or do seems to make a
difference and i feel like i'm alone with all this. i'm only 20 and i
have a life of my own i just dont know what to do i'm sick of banging my
head against a brick wall. please help......
Comment:
Rather than waiting for him to change, you need
to take some action. You're probably more worried about him than he
is about himself and that needs to get turned around...if he won't
worry more, you need to learn how to worry less.
We would suggest you check out Naranon or
Alanon meetings in your area and/or find an addictions
counselor to give you some guidance. Your parents may not have seen
the syringe but you can't hide the symptoms...if they don't already
know he's using they will soon whether you tell them or not. I'd
suggest you start to go to some meetings and then perhaps invite
your parents. Get everybody on the recovery train and it will be
harder for your brother to stay sick and secondarily you will be in
a much stronger position if an intervention becomes necessary.
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Date: 03 Jun 2006
god what happened to me? i used
to be such a good kid in middle school. as soon as i hit high school it
was drugs and alcohol 247. ask if i had a problem i would say no. but
i couldnt quit. everyday my life spun more and more out of control.
jail, rehab, stealing, chicago, crack houses, needles, crack pipes,
parties, spanging, robberies, lies, everything i was against when i was
younger i was doing everyday. im 19 now and have been using heroin
since i was 16. ive been using everyday tho for the past year and a
half. i just had my daughter 11 days ago...i only have 11 days clean
from heroin as well. shes healthy but she came out testing positive for
heroin. DCFS is down my back taking me to court sendig me to rehab
threating jail on me. talk about hard work but i got to do it for my
daughter. my boyfriend is in jail and when he gets out has to go to
rehab as well. im just hoping life will get better from here because i
just want to be normal. not sick everyday robbing people so i can get
high. wish me luck everyone.
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Date: 29 Jun 2006
My brother is a junky, has been for
many years. 2 and 1/2 years ago is wife left him, because of the
addiction at that point in time he was still a functioning addict. He
had a job, money, car and a life. Well that has all changed. He has
been at mom's house for the last 2 and 1/2 years, he lies to her, he
disrespts hers and he does drugs in her house. I can't even bring my
children there to visit because I am afraid that they may find a needle
or a drug and die. I am afraid for my brother, and mom and dad. He now
has no money and the credit card companies call 24 hrs day. He is in
debt to his dealer and desperate. I afraid. He had a DR. prescribe him
3 different kinds of narcotics over the phone without every going into
the office. This DR. was put on notice 6 months ago that his patitent
was an addict and drug seeker. That went unheard. Mom took the pills.
She told my brother she flushed them after she found out that he was
demanding that his 21 year old son take him to sell the pills and buy
more dope. That was her final straw. I was on the phone with her when
she told him the pills were gone, I have never heard a grown man cry
like that. She took him today to the hospital, he is 6'1" and ways 100
lbs.....The hospital told my mom to call in two hours and they would let
her know if they admitted him, released him or sent him to the pysh.
ward. He stoled $100.00 from her before they left for the hospital.
She is breaking down, my sister who are trying to help her stay strong
are breaking down, I am breaking down. We pray, we cry......we feel
helpless. I try to remember this in really bad times in God brings you
to it.....God will help you through it....We wait for the hospital to
call with the decision.
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I am a professional American
male, age 43 who was addicted to heroin for 15 years. I started smoking
cigarettes and smoking pot around age 14; around 18 years old I started
using cocaine and speed occasionally and could’ve been considered a
“functioning” addict, being able to graduate high school and finish
four-years of college with a B.S. in Management. However, after trying
and later becoming addicted to percocets and vicodins, the step to
heroin was not too far. After awhile, addicted to heroin my life was
reduced to a animalistic existence, living from fix to fix, forever
under the sway of what I call, the “Cinderella syndrome” , dreading my
version of 12-midnight: when the heroin would wear off and the dreaded
dope-sickness would set in.
I recently celebrated 5 years clean & sober this past June owing a large
and crucial part of that success to Methadone Maintenance. Prior to
admittance to a well run methadone program ,I floundered for years,
going in and out of rehabs.(7), halfway houses(4), salvation armies(2),
oxford houses(1),outpatient therapy groups and countless 12 step
meetings. In retrospect, they were all honest attempts to regain a state
of normalcy disguised as attempts to learn how not to get high. And this
is the fundamental difference between what heroin(opioid) addiction
became and all my other chemical addictions; cocaine, sedatives., pot,
etc. The latter were drugs that were all about getting high while the
former became, in the end, all about trying to feel normal, even though
heroin starts out as just another drug to get high with. You can not
truly know what feeling normal means unless it has been taken from you.
Only in experiencing it’s absence do you recognize it’s presence. I've
become no different than a diabetic who must rely on insulin to ensure
that portion of their endocrine system functions as normally as
possible. I honestly believe that to the extent one becomes grateful for
the capacity to feel normal again will determine that person’s degree of
success or failure with Methadone Maintenance. I am not saying that
everyone addicted to heroin should get into a methadone program. Many
who only use opiates for a short time have not affected permanent
changes in their endogenous nueroendocrine system. For these
individuals, controlled withdrawal with suboxone(buprenorphine,a less
potent neuroendocrine normalizing agent) in conjunction with counseling
and 12-step support may be adequate. I too eventually plan on
transitioning over to suboxone. I have two friends who are doing quite
well on it and having run with these guys is all the proof I need as to
it's effectiveness. Yet as a recovering addict, I must still remain
vigilant and guard against other drugs(cocaine, pot, benzos, etc.) or
alcohol use which can all u
I now work as an ATOD abuse prevention specialist in the hope that I can
help others avoid making the same mistakes I made growing up.
Very truly yours,
Joe A.
Northeastern Pennsylvania
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On Loving an Addict
There are few things I hate in life. Hate is such a strong word loaded
with negative emotions. But I hate Oxycontin. And I hate Heroin. In my
unprofessional completely biased opinion – they are the same thing. If
you are using and haven’t made this connection yet – you’re fooling
yourself. If someone you love is using and you think – at least they
aren’t on dope – then wake up and see that it’s just as bad and only a
matter of time before they get there. Nobody wakes up one day and says,
“I think I’ll go shoot dope.” They get there one desperate day when
they can’t afford the pills that they fooled themselves into believing
for too long – were no big deal.
I’ve lost a young cousin to suicide because he couldn’t get and stay
clean, a boyfriend to an overdose after years of trying to get
straight. I also have many friends, family and neighbors who walk
around each day living a horrible existence because of addiction. Each
of them started taking OC’s and some have graduated to Heroin.
I use the term junkie quite often in this story. I’m sorry if that
label offends you. But I couldn’t write this piece without using it.
Strong words carry strong meanings. This is one of them and where I use
it – I use it to relay the strong feelings I feel about this horrible
addiction. I don’t use this term as a put down – in fact I have come a
long way and really try not to judge anyone about where choices in their
life have taken them. As they say – “there but for the grace of God go
you or I.” So when I say junkie – I say it with love. Because there
are many junkies in my life that I have loved or still love. And my
choice of words is to distinguish between the whole healthy person who
existed before the drugs took control and the addict that they have
become.
I don’t hate them. Each and every one of them hate themselves enough.
I don’t think less of them. They’ve got that covered too. And if you
haven’t lived through watching someone you love turn into someone else
in front of your very eyes you should thank God every day for shielding
you from the heartache, pain and uncertainty that living life loving an
addict can bring. And the next time your path crosses the path of a
junkie remember that the shell of a person before you – is someone’s son
or brother or friend. Instead of looking down on them or judging them –
say a prayer for them and thank God that you weren’t given or didn’t
choose this cross to bear in your lifetime. Easier said than done if
you’ve been affected directly by their need for drugs. Especially hard
to do if you’ve been robbed by, lied to or manipulated by an addict. If
you have been, then I know it’s hard to read this with an open mind. If
you have been I am sorry. And they are too whether or not they can tell
you directly. They live with what they have done every day. I know it
doesn’t take it away or make it better – but their hell is here on
earth.
Don’t judge those around you who are dealing with an addict in their
life because until you are in a situation you never know how you
yourself would handle it. If your love and loyalty is not for the
addict but for the person affected by them – then I know your
frustration and anger first hand. I know how easy it is to see from the
outside what you think the answer is or how you would handle it better
maybe. But trust me when I say that it’s not as clear cut as it seems
from the outside looking in and there is no right or wrong way to do
something when it comes to matters of the heart. We do the best we can
with what we know at the time and the road that we have to walk is
filled with life lessons that we can only learn ourselves. And the
hardest ones to learn but the ones we grow the most from are the ones
that knock us on our ass and shake us to the core. You may ask yourself
how can anyone still love or care about a junkie. I ask you how
couldn’t we. My mother used to give me such a hard time each time I’d
get back with my boyfriend. She wondered what was wrong with me that I
would put up with the drama that came with our relationship. I even
wondered sometimes what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I walk away?
Why didn’t I just leave? The answer is both simple and complicated.
The answer is because I loved him – end of story.
I didn’t go out one day and place a personal ad looking to meet a heroin
addict. I was in love with someone who came to me one day and shared
with me something that he wasn’t proud of. Something he tried to battle
and kick on his own. I asked my mother one day what she would have done
if my dad came home one day and told her that he was an addict. My
parents raised me to believe that you love someone no matter what. And
I stood beside my boyfriend like my mom stood beside my dad when my dad
battled cancer. It is well known that addiction is a disease. But we
have such a hard time truly buying that. When someone has cancer or
another life threatening illness people rally around the person who is
sick and are there for the family for support. But addiction brings so
many mixed emotions. There is shame and so many people don’t even talk
about what is going on in their homes, in their lives. And the ones who
are strong enough to talk about are met with mixed responses from people
who don’t understand. For those of you who do understand – I wrote this
for you but I also wrote this for me.
I wrote this after my cousin took his own life a few years ago. He had
graduated to Heroin. But I think I hate Oc’s even more because I don’t
think many of these kids would end up on Heroin if it hadn’t been for
the Oxys. I always wondered if he only knew that everyone who loved him
would have put up with a million more chaotic days and nights, a
lifetime of hope filled days followed by more heartache and failures if
only we could have him back for one more day. Because one more day
means one more chance to succeed.
I added to this after my boyfriend died of an overdose this year.
Despite all the pain - I wish he could have seen just how much joy he
brought to my life. I wish he could have known what a hole was left in
the world the day he died. If the junkie could only see how much they
are loved. If they could see themselves through our eyes - their lives
might not be the daily hell they live through.
Ode to Heroin
I’m told it’s a high like no other. One that makes you feel better than
you could ever have imagined. Didn’t they ever tell you that if
something is too good it’s no good? And so you’re off on the run –
always chasing that feeling of your first high.
A vicious cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows, doped up and dope sick
becomes your all consuming daily routine. It holds you in its grip and
motivates you to lie, cheat and steal and it doesn’t matter where you
turn or how far you run. And every time you try to break free and fail-
the future looks less and less attractive every day.
You’ve seen your mother cry one too many times and the pain and hopeless
look in the eyes of your father. You know they adore you and are still
proud to call you son – despite the bad turn your life has taken.
They would do anything to fix things for you or to take away your pain.
They don’t hate you or love you any less for the way your life has
turned out or the way you have turned their lives upside down or the
things you have done for the drug.
They know it’s not you they are dealing with anymore – it’s Heroin.
They’ve tried to help you battle the demon. But it’s bigger than them
and stronger than them. But they’ll never give up on you – because
their hearts ache to see the boy they used to know and they would do
anything to get him back.
But Heroin renders you powerless and defenseless. And after all the bad
you do and pain you cause and shame you feel – before long you don’t
even remember the man you once were. You look in the mirror and see the
junkie waste of life you think you have become and you hate yourself for
it. And you wonder how these people can continue to care after all
you’ve put them through. So you hate yourself even more but you still
get high because eventually Heroin convinces you not to care about
anything else but your next fix and you’ll do anything to get it.
Day after day you’ll choose Heroin over your parents, brothers, sisters,
friends and girlfriend. You’ll choose it over yourself.
You’ll stop every once in awhile and wonder how you ever got to this
point. You’ll realize that your life has gone to hell. You’ll see just
how low you’ll stoop to keep Heroin in your life. And some day you
might even stoop so low or push your family too far or shock yourself
with just what you’ll do to keep up your habit. And the person you once
were – the kind hearted caring and loving person who lies powerless
within you just waiting and fighting to come back speaks up and says –
ENOUGH.
And then you decide to say good bye to your old friend Heroin. You
realize you miss the person you used to be and are willing to fight the
monster to become that person again.
But there’s a problem. Heroin doesn’t let you walk away without a
fight. It shows you that you need it. It shows you how weak you are
without it. It beats you down and makes you shake and moan in pain. It
plays tricks on your mind and despite your desire to end this
relationship – it does everything in its power to get you to come
crawling back. And just getting through the physical withdrawals
doesn’t mean the worst part is over. It’s the day to day, minute to
minute, second to second struggle to stay clean and deal with life
without drugs that is the real battle.
Some line up at clinics each morning, made to feel like a second class
citizen to get a dose of methadone that helps them lead a normal life.
Others find the answer in AA or NA, and for some detox programs work.
Suboxone has proved promising but so many are using it wrong as a way to
still dabble when they want to. The hardest part is that there’s no
easy fix to get clean and it’s even harder to stay clean and the
statistics don’t paint a pretty picture. So even the most determined
and strong minded person quickly realizes that the life they dreamed of,
a life without drugs isn’t the easy street that they had imagined. In
fact it’s harder to get through each day than keeping up a habit was.
And so many people do crawl back and Heroin makes you feel instantly
better and takes you by the balls again. And it grows stronger because
it has convinced the junkie that he can’t do it.
Some people are more determined and keep walking away only to be pulled
back in. Then they think it’s useless to try. They don’t think they
can make it past the pain and can’t see an end to the misery. So they
stop trying to be the man they once were. They begin to resent him and
all of the people who love him. Because they only remind him of the
pain he has caused them. They make him want to get help and get better
and he doesn’t believe it to be possible.
So often he withdraws from his friends or they give up on him. But the
friends that stay and the family that continues to hope and pray and
help and suffer – he can’t stand what he’s putting them through. He
lashes out at them. He steals from them. He lies to them and uses them
to get what he needs. And they stay strong and are willing to fight to
save him because there is no limit to their love. But he has only one
love, one friend, one family – Heroin.
But they still hold on and hope. Maybe the next detox will work. Maybe
God will answer their prayers for him. They tell him they know what he
is going through – but he tells them they’re wrong. They could never
know what he is going through. He is angered by their claim that they
can understand and feel his pain. He feels totally alone and helpless.
But they are right to say they know how he feels or can imagine his
pain. Because they too have broken hearts and broken dreams. They have
lost someone they love – he’s close enough to touch but they know they
might not ever get there.
But his addiction makes him arrogant and self centered to claim he is
alone in his pain and nobody could understand what he is going through.
He has Heroin. The people who love and care for him, the people who
pray that he will get help and break free from the monster – they live
and breathe his pain and suffering every day. They grieve for a loved
one who walks, sleeps and breathes but in essence is dead already. But
unlike him they only get to share his lows. They do not have the luxury
of his euphoric highs that help him survive and escape reality.
Some can take only so much and can’t bear to sit by helpless and witness
him kill himself slowly and they cut ties. They still pray and worry
and cry themselves to sleep feeling powerless. Others get angry and
though the love they feel will never go away – they hate the monster and
walk out of their lives because they have to in order to protect
themselves. Because it is torture to watch the junkie take over and
call the shots knowing that there is nothing they can do to stop and no
way for them to reach the person they once knew.
Others enable them to continue because they can’t stand to see the
wrenching pain that comes form being dope sick. And they try to help
them be comfortable until they find the strength and a way to win the
battle.
Heroin takes over completely eventually and those of us who have had
family, friends or loved ones who have seen the drug take over handle it
in many different ways. We pretend it’s not happening. We walk around
in a state of denial or shock until we are forced to face it. Then we
walk around in a state of anger, fear or helplessness. We feel shame
and wonder how we could have let it get this far or happen at all for
that matter.
We feel totally alone and live life walking on egg shells. We hope for
the best but begin to dread the worst. We wait for the phone call
telling us about an arrest, an overdose or a suicide.
And the addict prays for the strength to stop the pain and get well but
feels like they’re fighting a never ending battle that can’t be won.
Some addicts think that an overdose might be a blessing in disguise to
those who love them. Some take their own lives thinking that is the
answer. Others continue to use and pretend not to care. But those of
us who love them no matter what – our addiction to hope is stronger than
their addiction to dope. And so we hold on and hope that they will find
their way. And we accept that we have no control over their addiction
to Heroin. Some of us realize this slowly – others over time – still
some will never see this. If they could only see that we would live
through this never ending nightmare forever if it meant we could have
them back for just one more day. If they could only see into our hearts
and source some strength from us. If only our love was enough. But
it’s not.
In the end they need to stand up to Heroin on their own and prove to
themselves what each of us believe deep in our hearts - that they are
somehow still stronger than the monster. They are more than the junkie
they see in the mirror each morning. They are our son, our brother, our
sister, our mother, our father, our boyfriend our girlfriend and our
friends. And though they don’t recognize the person they used to be –
we still see that person. We still envision a future filled with
brighter days. We still wait for the day that they walk back into our
lives and this nightmare we live becomes nothing more than a distant
memory.
Until then remember that you are loved, you are strong and you can beat
this.
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My name is Gloria. I lost my 18 year old
son to heroin. It was a useless and senseless loss and I want to speak
to others about this. I need help. I am hurting. I want to start a
web site for those of us alike. We need to conquer this. to contact
Gloria, email help@heroinhelp.net
and we'll forward to her?
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Date: 05 Oct 2006
help me. my 23 year old daughter is
shooting heroin. she has 2 children & I know that she is doing this
while she has the children with her. I'm not sure what the signs of
heroin r. can anyone please fill me in?
Please contact us at
help@heroinhelp.net for help
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Date: 25 Oct 2006
I had the
worst day of my life this past Sunday, Oct. 22, 2006. My 21 year old
son overdosed on heroin, and would be dead if it weren't for his dad
giving him mouth to mouth resucitation till the paramedics arrived. He
has been addicted to heroin for 3 years, but said he stopped and had
been clean for at least 3 weeks. We got a very rude awakening on Sunday.
He had been home all day, got a phone call, went out, and was back home
in about 20 minutes. He came in the house, went to the bathroom, and
died. We heard this awful snorting sound coming from the bathroom, went
in, and there was our son in the floor. He had fallen off the toilet
face first, and was turning this horrible blue/gray color. He still had
a pulse, but was not breathing. I grabbed the phone and called 911, and
my husband started giving him mouth to mouth. Every time he gave our son
a breath, his color would improve, but he still could not breathe on his
own. Finally the paramedics arrived and took him to the hospital. We got
to the hospital, and when they finally let us back to see him, the
doctor was talking to him. He said he started out taking oxycotin, then
snorting heroin, then went from that to shooting up. He had been
shooting cocaine earlier in the day too. We had no idea. I feel so
stupid, and a failure as a parent, Even though he's 21, I still feel
this way. He refuses to go to rehab, and insists he can get off heroin
on his own. The doctor says that this is not possible. He does not have
insurance, but the Dr. said there are treatment programs nearby that he
could get into without insurance. I don't know what to do, or where to
turn. Thanks for letting me talk.
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Date: 01 Dec 2006
A month
ago my whole life came crashing down because of heroin. My
boyfriend and I started using heroin together about a year ago, we were
stupid and young, me being 19 him 21. We got into the party life,
staying out all night doing drugs, sleeping through the day. Slowly the
drug made me lose weight, making me lose my job, I was stripper and not
many people will pay to see an emaciated girl dance on stage. But my
boyfriend still had a job, he was in a band, which was well known in the
east village. So we were still able to obtain our drug. Eventually our
habbit started eating up more and more of our money. We would spend
weeks in our shity appartment with no heat or electricity just so we
could have those few momments of a rush, that momment that we addicts
all live for. Finally I decided to ween myself off of heroin for a
while, try to gain back some weight so that I could get my job back, but
it seemed impossible for me to regain the weight I had lost. Then came
the day when my out look on life changed forever. My friend thought
that he had AIDS and wanted to get tested. He was nervous, so I offered
to take the test with him. when we got the results back, my friend was
at first elated. He was AIDS free, I, on the other hand, was not so
lucky. I had AIDS. And since my boyfriend and I would share needles,
it meant that he also was living with the virus. He fell into a deep
depression. He became afraid to love, to live, to hope, or to dream.
He died the day we found we had AIDS, his body still lived, but he
died. We stuck together until the day he passed away. It was the
saddest day of my life. He was my family, my bestfriend, my lover.
Though AIDS was what claimed his life, and soon will claim mine, it was
heroin, the life of drugs, that made it all possible. I no longer use
heroin. I am sober, and plan to stay so until I die. There are many
things in my life that I did wrong, and I paid for them all. But I
refuse to go out being known as an addict. I will live my life to the
fulles
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Date: 27 Dec 2006
On September 5th of
this year my world was turned upside down. My mother came home on
her lunch hour and found my only two brothers, ages 21 and 23 dead. The
21 year old was on the couch and had been dead for several hours. As she
ran down the hall to get the 23 out of bed to help her, she looked down
and saw he was foaming from the mouth. She called me screaming. I live
30 minutes away. I started screaming call 911, call 911. My husband is a
police officer in our county and heard the 911 call. He called me as I
was dropping off our 3 year old son with the neighbor before I literraly
flew to be by my moms side. The next call I got was from my mom and she
was screaming, "they are gone, they are gone." I couldn't believe it. I
called my aunt screaming to her and she was in disbelief. You see, the
23 yr old had gotten off heroin, joined the air force, gotten married
and we thought was living a great life. He had been out of the air force
for about a year and landed a great job. We knew he had some depression
because his wife had left him. My 21 yr old brother had also had a
heroin problem, he had been to jail, rehab and was on probation at the
time of his death. He maintained a job and lived with me during the week
to be closer to this job. My two boys, ages 5 and 3, loved him dearly.
Our 3 year old is named after the 23 yr old. We thought they both had
kicked the habit, but we were wrong. Heroin killed both of my brothers
on the same day. Heroin has taken my family from me. My parents are
still in disbelief in losing there only two sons the same day to a drug
we thought we had beat. We cry everyday. We wonder why them? why not the
people who don't have a family that loves them and is there for them? My
family is a middle class family that the "stero Type of heroin users"
fit. The community is turning it's back on a serious problem we now know
about in our community. Everyone wants to look away but I have to look
at my brothers grave everyday. I have to explain to my kids why there
uncles had to become angels. I a
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Date: 04 Jan 2007
In memory of Drew and Dustin.
Two brothers full of life found dead together in there home by there
mother of a heroin overdose. We love you deeply and miss your smiles,
energy and presences. They leave behind a mother, father, sister,
brother in law, two nephews that thought they were the world and many
extended family and friends. I know you are in a good place and that I
have two guardian angels looking after me. We love you.
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Date: 04 Jan 2007
My mom just checked in to
rehab today, She got hooked on vicoden, taking 20 at a time going
through 600 pills a week and when she could no longer get the pills she
started having withdrawl pains so one of her friends came over with some
heroin and told her it would give her the same effect as the pills, she
did heroin for 11 months she just checked in to rehab yesterday I pray
that it works
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Date: 15 Jan 2007
Heroin is a big lie! Use it once and
you will die or be addicted for life! Families all over the world today
feel the effects of this devil drug. This drug is the true test of the
terrorist community! They are killing our youth and family values!
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Date: 29 Jan 2007
The worst year of my life or
si I though. On 2/13/06 I found my oldest brother dead he had been
clean and off drugs for 5 mo. and had just got out of the hospital the
day befor for help with depression and O.C.D the doctor gave him meds so
I take him home then go to see about him the next day and find him dead
I don't think that I will ever get over this the on 12/02/06 my baby
brother was beat and left with brain damage all comes back to drugs .To
make matters worst I find out in Janurary 07 that my daughter has been
using for over 3 years Oh Please pray for me to make it through this
becouse I don't think that I can deal with this or anything else at
this point
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Date: 30 Jan 2007
My daughter had been using
heroin from the age of thirteen and it destroyed not only her life
but all the lives around her. I must say that she is one of the lucky
ones, and just maybe it was because there were enough people around her
not to let her hit rock bottom. But the bottom did fall out in March of
2006, when she assualted her boyfriends parents in there own home and
then showed up at a memorial service for my friend that had passed from
cancer. At the service I had a friend who lost her son to heroin by way
of overdose, it was like reliving the nightmares all over for her again.
But my daughter swore that she was clean and this was from the meth, and
she was adamant that although I have a medical background that I knew
nothing of the drug and what it could do. I used to work in an ER.
She has struggled with the devil now for over a year, and she is winning
the battle. This May she will be clean for a year and I pray to God
every night that something doesn't trigger her to go back to it.
To all the mothers out there I know how hard it must be for you, but
don't give up and yes you have to use tough love and you'll hate
yourself, and you'll want to give in and you'll cry yourself to sleep at
night and you'll maybe go through depression yourself and then be afraid
to go on any medications that help you. You don't want anyone to know
because you don't want those around you coming down on your daughter,
your breath of life. I have three words for you "Don't be afraid". You
need as much help in dealing with this as your loved one does that has
the addiction.
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Date: 07 Feb 2007
My brother in law just told me a few
nights ago that he is snorting heroin amoung various other things. I
don't know what to do. I feel like a bomb has been dropped on me. He
kept telling me that he isn't an addict, but I have seen this before and
I don't believe him. He is 24 years old, graduated from college,
maintains a job. He doesn't yet look like he is bad, but I am afraid
that if I don't do something to help him that he will get bad. I just
really don't know what to do. I really need some help.
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Date: 03 Mar 2007
The person I loved most in the
world is dead. Heroin played a role along with a myriad of other
drugs. I hope he is at peace now...the peace he was always chasing with
drugs and alcohol. I think about him constantly. It is without doubt
the worst pain I have ever felt....him being gone. My life is so hard
now.....I miss him so much. I wish my loving him was enough when he was
alive. I wish I could have helped him...maybe be a better friend. All
I know for sure is that the hell he was in when he was here is now mine
since he has been gone. I can understand why he wanted the drugs to
escape from the pain. I could never put someone through what I'm going
through now though. I'd rather live with my constant pain than to have
my family and friends go through the unbearable grieving. He was young,
he was beautiful, he was brilliant and charming. He is dead.
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Date: 16 Mar 2007
I AM A 52 YEAR OLD FEMALE I HAVE
A VERY LARGE HEROIN HABIT I HAVE BEEN USING SINCE I WAS ABOUT 35 YEARS
OLD MY HUSBAND WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH A POT SMOKING FEMALE HE SAID HE
LIKED HER BECAUSE SHE WAS GOOD IN BED WHEN SHE WAS HIGH SO I STARTED TO
SMOKE POT MY SUPPLIER OFFERED ME SOME HEROIN I SAID YES I WAS CURIOUS
BIG MISTAKE I CANT GET OFF IT I HAVE BEEN IN REHAB 3 TIMES I COULD NOT
EVEN STAY OFF IT IN REHAB I WAS KICKED OUT ALL 3 TIMES I UNDERSTAND YOU
OTHER USERS NOT BEING ABLE TO GET OFF DRUGS JUDYBack to top |
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Date: 20 Mar 2007
my husband is a herion addict
he has overdosed numorus times i want to help him but it looks like he
dont want any help.he will say hes clean then i would find
needles,spoons,koolaid packs around the house.its getting bad sometimes
he dont even come home at night.we are on the edge of losing everything
we have our house and our cars.im thinking about just leaveing becouse i
dont want to be the one to find him dead.but i know if i leave he really
would hit rockbottom.can someone please tell me what to do?i dont want
to lose my husband.
You have already lost your husband.
You didn't cause nor can you cure his heroin addiction. If
he decides to use it will matter little if you're there or
not, you've already told us that he's lying to you now. I
don't necessarily recommend leaving unless you're in
physical danger. I would suggest finding a Nar-anon or
Alanon meeting and perhaps an addictions counselor to help
you to help yourself. Leaving doesn't stop the pain.
Your ability to detach with love may
be the the very thing that helps him see reality but even if
it doesn't help him...it'll help you now and in the future.
God Bless
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Date: 28 Mar 2007
hi my name is jade im
from scotland and i just turned 18 on the 20th of march 07 i have
been hooked on heroin for the past 10 months .it all started when i met
my boyfriend gary who has had problems with drugs for the past ten
years. he has just gone to jail in edinburgh.i am now back at home in
aberdeen,scotland and left to deal with this addiction alone . it is so
difficult not only am i really missing my boyfriend but i have to
struggle to get the money everyday to feed my habit,my mum normally pays
for it and i feel so guilty because it has got her into a lot of debt
and my dad doesnt know about any of this so we have to hide the bank
statments from him,he doesnt know that i wake up every morning with a
runny nose ,streaming eyes ,sore guts and feeling like im going to shit
myself literally ,not many people know how hard it is having a heroin
habit, it makes me think about doing drastic things to get the money
when im strung -out although luckily i have never done them i feel very
soon im going to be stealing off my family to fund this addiction . i
plan on cutting myself down and giving up because my boyfriend and i
have big plans for the future for when he comes out of jail but i also
feel i need the drug to keep me company because im so lonely without my
lovely boyfriend whom i miss teriibly. hopefully in time when i have
adjusted to him being in jail i will begin to take steps to sort my life
out, im also glad that i havent touched needles ,yet but if i dont quit
now im sure i will do soon i am going to beat this terrible afliction
not only for myself but for my mum, my boyfriend gary , my future and
last but not least to save my life and get a life worth living back!!!
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Date: 04 Apr 2007
Hi my name is Heather, and I
am currently a full time college student going for a degree in social
work. At one point in my life my brother, father, daughters father, and
best friend where all extreme drug addicts. I never felt so alone in my
life before. I felt as though drugs had taken everyone away from me that
I loved all in one moment. There was no way I could cut all ties with
these people because they where family. Since I’ve been in school I have
learned more about addition, however I still have days that I just
can’t grasp their actions.
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Date: 13 May 2007
hi my name is Sara,
Well luckliy its not me that is in this situation but my 21 year old
brother. Having an addict in the house is the worst nightmare you could
ever imagine. I wouldnt wish it for my worst nightamre. Its so bad.
He left school at an early age. He has always gotten himself into
trouble since the day he was born.
He has been through it all at such a young age. He has done things that
a person 5 times hes age hasnt.
He started off by hanging out with guys that are older than him and each
of them had a gambling addiction. He started stealing from us in the
house and especially my mum got it the worst. He worked casually but all
the money would go into the gambling machines.
He would steal whatever that was valualbe to sell and get money from.
He then started doing pot. He then got off the gambling addiction and
started experimenting with drugs.
He now has been addicted to herion for 3 years. He started smoking it
and now is injecting it. He doesnt work or nothing. He uses my mother
for all his financial needs. She has to pay or else all hell breaks
loose in the house.He even threatens to kill himseld if she doesnt give
him. So obviously when a mother sees that what else is she to do? He
cant help himself anymore. It has taken over him and taken my brother
away from us all.Everyday we cry and cry. It just gets worse.
My mum couldnt take it no more. She was probably was the verge of a
breakdown herself. Not only emotionally but financially she couldnt
handle him anymore. Finally she gave up and left the house to go live
with her brother in another state. We have 2 younger siblings younger
than him and she doesnt want to lose them as well.Everyone in the house
is always depressed and not in the mood for life. Even when he takes his
drug he gets so high and wild that he annoys them all.
Now my brother hasnt been taking that crap cause there is no one to
spend on him anymore, no matter how desperate he gets he wont go and do
anything criminal. he tried jail once and will never go back thats what
he says. He think that he can fix himself from this drug. He thinks that
taking meth will cut down his herion cravings but this is wrong. I tell
him daily that he neeeds to get medical help but he is very ignorrant.
he knows that my mum isnt coming back but refuses to accept that. This
drug is such a devil. the other devils are the ones that sell it to
peoples kids and ruin their lives so they can drive the flashiest cars
and have all these material things that mean nothing. No one knows what
this is until they see it 1st hand. its the hardestt thing I have ever
witnessed in my life and I am 26 married with kids.
I am lost and dont know what to do when it comes to my brother/ I dont
know whether i should support him or whether I should just leave him to
be which is so hard. He doesnt seem to see that when it comes to getting
off it that the doctor is the only way to go. How can I get through to
him. I dont think that I can, thats the problem until he himself relises
this and acts upon it.I pray to God to guide him and show him the way.
Its so sad to see a life cut short.
Once they take this crap they live for it and only it. they will give up
everything for it no matter who gets hurt on the way.
He makes me angry when he says that he was going to get off it later but
thats a big fat lie. The only reason he is off it now is cause my mother
is not there to spend on him and his addiction. This step had to be
taken my her i order for him to wake up and see what and where he wants
to be in life. He was too dependant on her and she had enough. She is a
human being too and needs to live a decnet day in her life too. You only
live once and she doesnt need to live it for a herion addict that is
only going to make her hit rock bottom.
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Date: 06 May 2007
After more than a year together
I found my fiance's dead body in the bathroom just 2 months ago. Having
completely hidden his secret from me, I have been in denial, until
recently with the results of the autopsy, and I have been forced to see
the light. He wasn't a regular user but it only took 2 hits on that
night which caused a cerebral hemmorrhage and turned the lights off my
1st love. I am so sad because I miss him so much... but if he where
here I would kick his ass cause I'm so mad at him for leaving me here
with the questions, loneliness and pain. He and I were due to be
married this month, but his fate was linked to heroin and not me
apparently.
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Date: 17 Jun 2007
I AM A FORTY SEVEN YEAR OLD
FEMALE I WAS A NURSE I STARTED TO STEAL PAIN KILLERS THEN I STOLE
PRESCRIPTION PADS I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD FIND OUT THE HOSPITAL I WORKED
IN CLOSED I WAS 29 IN A BAD MARRIAGE AS MY HUSBAND WAS RUNNING AROUND
WHEN I COULDNT GET AN MORE PILLS MY FRIEND INTRODUCED ME TO A DRUG
DEALED I STARTED TO SMOKE POT BUT IT DIDNT DO ANY THING FOR ME SO HE
GAVE ME SOME HEROIN AFTER THE FIRST USE I WAS HOOKED ON IT I WENT TO
REHAB 4 TIMES BUT COULDNT GET OFF IT IT IS THE DEVILS DRUG SO DONT START
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Date: 30 Jun 2007
I was just a normal sunday
afternoon, my husband was watching the television after lunch and i was
doing the ironing. Something came over me and i said please god keep
paul safe, and at 7oclock that winter night there was a knock at my
door.I went to answer it and on the door step was a police officer.The
first thing that went through my mind was that paul had been in a
accident. The police officer asked for my name, he then asked if he
could come inside. i showed him into the lounge he introduced himself to
my husband, he then informed us that our son was in the Borders General
hospital after taking an overdoze of a class A drug. This was the day I
found out that my son was on drugs.My husband and I jumped into the car
and headed for the hospital,we were both in such a state of shock all i
could do was cry. my whole body was shaking from head to toe. when we
arrived at the hospital where we were informed that our son had four
cardiac arrests but they managed to stabilise him.When we were allowed
to see him they told us that he had taken too many ecstasy tablets, when
he was at a rave.My whole life turned upside down that sunday! it turned
my fear into hate.Hatred of myself, how could i have been so blind not
to see that my son was suffering! was it my fault he had gotten into
drugs? was i a bad parent? had I caused him in someway to take an
overdose! the anger towards myself continued to build. My husband could
see what was happening to me and he got into a big argument with our
son.It was at that moment that my marriage began to suffer, my husband
asked me to decide between him and our son, but how could a good
christian person decide between the two people she loved, who was to
stay and who was to go? I told my husband I could not do that. He walked
out on me. I suppose this was the only way he could deal with the
situation at that time, it was not long after that I fell apart. I had a
nervous break down and I ended up in hospital. I hated being there so
christams eve I discharged myself saying to myself
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Date: 02 Jul 2007
My son started using oxycontin
at age 15. He was the perfect child until he went to High School.
Within about a month of being in High School, he met new friends and he
met oxycontin. Oxy took a fierce hold on him.
He turned into the living dead. He ran away numerous times whenever we
found a way to make it difficult to get his drugs. He was a zombie
during the day and at night his drug associates would be in and out of
the house at all hours. I never got sleep - constantly chasing the
junkies out of our house.
He was arrested with a huge amount of oxy, was sent to jail at 17 and
got a felony conviction.
Every day with an addict child is a day of pain for the rest of the
family.
The best day of all came when I finally had the courage to kick him out
of the house. He didn't have any place to go, and we thought about him
sleeping under a bridge somewhere, but at that point, we were so tired
and we just gave up hope. By that time, he was injecting oxycontin
every day - several times per day. We worried about him, but we changed
all the locks on the doors and could finally sleep. He stole from all
of us including his little brother - anything that he could sell. Cash
was vaporized. So, nobody cried when I finally kicked him out and
locked the door behind him.
Naturally, he graduated from oxy to heroin - both the same devil.
He is now twenty living with his pregnant addict girlfriend. The room
they live in is filthy beyond description with piles of cigarett butts
in every jar, plate, and box scattered around the room. You have to be
careful not to sit on a needle. It is a nightmare - dark, stinky,
filthy, dangerous. They don't care. Every dollar is spent on heroin
and every moment either spend high or frantic trying to score drugs.
In my opinion, there is very little hope for heroin addicts. It is like
being bitten by Dracula. The victim is drawn back to the drug like a
hopeless zombie. Eventually, it kills the addict, but before that is a
world of sadness and pain. Heroin use is grotesque in every way. It is
hard to believe that heroin is making a comeback after what we learned
about it in the 1960's.
You often hear about heroin addicts getting clean, but eventually, they
fall back to it. It seems there is not real and permanent escape. Once
you bare your neck and let Heroin Dracula in, it's over for you. You can
run, but you can't hide. Heroin will always pull you back in. The best
thing anybody can do is stay away.
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Date: 28 Jul 2007
MY SON IS A CANCER SURVIVOR, FROM THE
AGE OF 12 HE UNDER WENT 7 YEARS OF KIMO,MORPHINE,METHODONE,FENTYONAL,ECT.
AT 19 THE CANCER WAS GONE FOR 5 YEARS AND HE WAS DRUG FREE FINALLY!!!
BY THE AGE OF 21 HE WAS A FULL BLOWN OXY ADDICT, AGAIN I GAVE UP MY LIFE
FOR MY SON AND MOVED HIM ACROSS THE US TO THE OTHER COAST. HE'S BEEN
CLEAN FOR 15MO. NOW BUT I STILL CHECK HIS EYES EVERY NIGHT AND KEEP A
VERY TIGHT LEASH ON HIM AND STILL HE SHOWS SIGNS OF WANTING THE CRAP!!
TO ALL THE PARENTS OUT THERE, GIVE UP YOUR LIFE TO YOUR CHILDREN, IT'S
WORTH IT!!!
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Date: 30 Jul 2007
Kick’n dope now for 4 days I look back on
the past nine years after I was introduced to my love (heroin). I cannot
say that I regret ever doing the things I have done. The lying, the
stealing, and jail. And honestly I still love the drug, even though I am
cold, sweaty, and achy to the bone. My body cries out for just one last
hit, to sooth the pain. But I must fight, because if I don’t the only
thing left are the gates of hell... I have lost my son, my mother,
father, and friends. I have used all my money, lost my car and my home.
I now have nothing left, but that’s ok. I know that this will be over
soon. The vision, the sweats and the shakes, are the entire price I have
to pay for freedom from this dame disease. I will be clean. I will live
another day just as long as I don’t go back to my one true love.
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Date: 04 Aug 2007
It's 1:30 AM on Saturday night. I should be
hanging out with my boyfriend but instead I am sitting on my couch alone
and crying. He has been battling a herion habit for nearly 2 years
now. I used to comfort him when he was high- tell him that is was just
a mistake and not to beat himself up about it. When he would try to quit
I would stay up with him all night, rub his legs & hands to help the
tingling sensation go away. I used to think that he could stop. I was
in denial about his problem as much as he was. Today I attended my
college roommates daughter's first birthday party- alone. I was alone
b/c my boyfriend was getting high. I told everyone that asked about him
that he was working. I couldn't possibly be honest. As I sat on the
patio with my girlfriends from college, their husbands, sons &
daughters- I realized that I could not continue in my relationship and
have a normal life or even think about having a family. I came home and
did what I should have a long time ago- left him. We both cried and said
i love you. He said that this was a huge wake-up call to him and that
he was going to make it right & get clean. I want a normal life and I
hope that one day it will include him but not this herion using version
of him that I have come to know. I guess all I have now is the hope in
my heart that he will come back to me.
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Date: 13 Aug 2007
please help me!!! This is the first time
i have come across a web page like this and am so gratfull, after
reading many of your heart breaking storys i am in tears typing this,
but i really need some advice before i am to entering this page telling
you all of finding the love of my life dead. i have been with my
boyfriend a year he is the love of my life but sadlly i am not his, his
is HEROIN, i was told when we met he was into herion but told my self
what a lie "surelly i would know if my man was a smack head" but in
reality i knew nothing about this drug, thought it only happend on T.V
in gangster films, how wrong i was!! i told my boyfriend of these
rumours and he told me he had tried it in the past many months ago, i
chose to belive him, and very selfishly on my part i wish i had walked
away then! but i havent and he is still using herion, i have never
caught him at it but many times found the evidence, and each time he has
promised it was the last time, i have offered my support, cried, shouted
the lot. i was so close to leaving him once but decided if i couldnt
stand by him who would!!! and much to my shame when he was away at work
i tried herion myself!! i wanted to see what was so good about it, what
took my man from me and what did it have to offer i couldnt! i found no
answears just more questoins! i thought maybe i hadnt tried enough so i
had another go the following week and i was so ill the following day,
vowed never to touch it again and i havent it also made me more
determend to help him too, but know i am at loggerheads, i am worn out
and beat down and dont know what to do! on a good day (very few and far
between) i am determend to support him on a bad day i feel like packing
it all in and joing him, altho i know i wouldnt i hope, so please if
anybody has any advice please help, do i break his mums heart and share
this with her!! i am the only one who knows of his addiction he often
tells me i am the only good thing in his life, and i dont trust his
mental state if i were to leave and the fact d
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Date: 21 Aug 2007
my name is jasmine
and this is my story
I grew up in a very abusive house hold.I expeirence things that a child
should'nt have to go through.MY bedroom was a hells gate for preditors
to take my inoccence away.I grew up in in the system.On my 19 birthday i
became pregnant and got married to a man who i loved and adore.1 month
after having my daughter i became pregnant again 9 months later i had a
adorible son life was'nt easy.my husband like to use me and my son as a
punching bag.yes i said my son.he almost kid my son my kicking him
repeatly in the head.my son at the age of 10 months was in and out of
the hospital like there was no tommorrow.MY HUSBAND HIT me for the last
time.........before i went to jail i was hitting the herion very hard.i
just lost my third child to my husband kicking in my stomack causing me
to have her early.......she passed away 6days she was born ..........so
my life was heading down hill and i didn't even know it.........i served
6 months in a prison for self devence protecting my young......After i
was released i started in the herion again it led me to very dark
places.I worked the streets to provide for my habbit.I hooked with a new
man who i thought really loved and i thought he could be the one
noooooooooooooooooooooooo. I was dead wrong.I lived on the streets for 2
years and it was the time of my life.Winters were hard sleeping in the
snow.Having no food to eat.my criminal record went up the ying yang.i
did things for him that a women would probly say take a hike.but i
loved him and i thought we would be married.That wasn't relisticed.I was
home less and he wasn't he could run to daddy when ever he was in troubl.......and
when we were caught stealling or what ever criminal activity was going
on i was left holding the bag...........well it wasn't for a man named
richerd who i was working the streets.He was a client of mine and i took
a likein of him.He treated me like i was a some one and not a junkie.He
took me places and did stuff with me.It was't long after i confessed my
love for him.ive been clean and sober for 19
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Date: 10 Sep 2007
i have been in denial....or
stupid....never knowing anything about heroin addiction.....my
boyfriend...which he is not any more.....it was well hidden for a long
time....i really did not know at the time.....he lied very well....very
kind and caring person.....i thought he had changed ...at different.
times....but he loved me and still does...so i thought it would
pass.....i did not know the signs of heroin addiction...then..but i do
now......he is a functioning addict.....and always is aasleep for
hours...and at the time i could not figure out why.....now i know.....he
has left me and been gone for at least a year......acted distant to me
numerous times....so this time as much as i love him....(been around him
for at least 9 years off and on.....i have to let him go....because this
keeps repeating itself....i cannot take anymore....and only god can
help....him...i cannot.....i still am in love with him...but i have to
change things..for good.....i feel so stupid that i couldn't see this a
long time ago....
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Date: 19 Sep
2007
im a 20yr old mother of two and i have been with there father since
i was 16 ever since i have known him he has used heroin but bk then i
was a young naive girl i have never used myself but never knew the
effect of him being a user would cause for me and my kids i have had
social services on my case and i even had to go to a parenting group
recently things have been getting worse i gave him my bank card an he
took the whole 130 out an only come home with 20 he had already bought
me a voucher so effectiveley he spent 80 pound on me , tthings like this
has really taken its toll on me and when ever i pull him about it he
threatens me can u believe the cheek off it i am really considering
leaving him i have already lost my home because of him now i am waiting
on the council to be rehoused i cant put it with this no more i am only
20 i have no friends since i have been with him only his fellow druggies
qhich are NOT friends and family have distance themselves from me an my
children , my children are losing out i have got leave for there sake
but love is a weird thing but my love for my children is greater next
time u here from i will have ended HEROIN HAS RUINED MINE AN MY FAMILIES
LIFE WHEN IS THIS EPIDEMIC GOING TO STOP! LOUISE
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Date: 26 Sep
2007
Heroin has stolen very much from me, first was my father although he
is still alive isn't really living as heroin has been the biggest staple
in his life for the last 37 years. Yes 37 years my Dad is 58 years old
& has been an addict since I was a year old. I'm now 38 mother of two
beautiful boys fully grown woman missing her Daddy. It has ripped apart
my family, although my is still married to my Dad is has made a huge
rift of resentment, loss, and most sadness. He will try detox do well
and always start up again within weeks. My Mom is so lost and clueless
she has become self mutilating, I'm the oldest of 3 children and I'm
play the adult in my entire family. I've emailed the show "intervention"
to help but received no reply I just would like some quality time with
my Dad before he goes, he has been HIV+ since I was 16 and that hasn't
woke him up. I know addicts don't stop until their are tired and done
believe me I know. My husband is a recovering addict as well so I lived
this life with his issues for over 11 years, God has Blessed us and he's
been clean for 7 year and now that I'm living my dream with my husband &
boys I cannot truly enjoy as I ache is my heart for my Mom & Dad to live
a normal life without this drama. I've seen so many of my friends
parents die from overdoses, murder, AIDS, jail etc I can'e even remember
back when Heroin was not a part of my life sad huh? I can keep going
with more & more believe me. Keep the Faith all things are possible!
If you need advice or someone to talk to to feel free to email me, GOD
BLESS
Jo
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Date: 11 Oct 2007
My cousin has three kids two from a previous relationship, now had
baby on 1st april 2007, she has been going out with a guy since she was
4 month pregnant, the real father dissapeared, unknown to me he had been
a herion addict for 5 years previous and when they moved in together on
jan. 2007 that was him off the stuff. I was told about his history and
just watched. After the baby was six weeks old everything went downhill,
he has signed her birth certificate (even though isn't the father) and
now has the same rights as she has to the baby, the older two one 14
years of age and the other ten normally go to stay with their father at
the weekend but the older one has stopped going as she wants to look
after her mum and the baby as with compulsive lies we get solid proof he
is on it again, they argue 3/4 times a week normally at w-end he is
drinking constantly not givin any money into house and shouts and
screems infront off kids, baby looks at him with fear, she was so
content b4 now she jumps and is very girney now. the kids are getting
messed up as he leaves and then returns 3 days later. When i found out
his history i find he has always been very greedy with drugs anything
go's so to speak. Why cant she see what is in front of her. if it was me
that would be the end. what can i do or say to convince her he aint
good, (tried it all) should the two older kid's biological father know
what is happening.
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Date: 19 Nov 2007
hi i dont realy know wher to
begi but here goes im 22 years old,i drink every single day my best
friend od on heroin last month its like im living in some night mare i
wake up in da mornin and just do heroin and all sorts of drugs n drink
all day long,you name it i do it,i dont know how im after gettin this
bad it wasnt always like this i used to be a pro boxer and had
everything going for me,then my father killed himself and my girlfriend
left me im not tryin to make excuses or anything but oh i dunno im just
so fucked up right now,i wish i could get back on track i keep promising
myself i will but just slip back,sometimes i feel like im a bystander
just watching me destroy my life i cant explain dat feelin its
horrible,when im awake im so cabbaged im not realy awake n wen im asleep
i have horrible nightmares n barely sleep at all its like im stuck in
limbo,ive felt pretty sick a lot of da time over drugs but i think im at
deaths door im 7 stone and am afraid to look in da mirror,i feel its too
late for me and ill be with my mate soon i just know it in my hearth,to
anybody who is reading this and is thinkin of doin drugs please dont its
hell absolute hell,theres no pot of gold at da end of da rainbow,trust
me nothin but death,
sean
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Date: 07 Dec 2007
My 26 year old boyfriend is on
his way back to jail, it's just a matter of the police finding him.
This will be his 4th time in cause of dope, and from how it looks, not
his last. He's lost family, friends, and his own freedom cause of this
drug. His own freedom, given up for a flower. "I've seen the needle and
the damage done, a little part of it in everyone. But every junkie's
like a setting sun."
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Date: 07 Dec 2007
My name is Lisa, and this is
how heroin touched, or rather, infected, my life. My boyfriend is
26 years old, and has been an active addict for six years. When I met
him two years ago, he said he had been clean for 5 and 1/2 months.
This, I later found out, was not true. I have a five year old son, who
considers my boyfriend his father, and so far my son has seen his dad go
to jail twice, detox eight times, and kicked out more than enough. My
boyfriend has stolen money from me, his parents, and his brother to
support his habit. He has stolen my car three times. He has pushed
everyone to the point where we are all exhausted and sad. We want to
help and can't, because he refuses it. There are only three ways this
story will end: he will quit, he will go to jail forever, or he will
die. Two of these would break the hearts of so many people, including a
five year old little boy. Yesterday was our two year anniversary, and
today he is out using. No matter how much you love someone, you can't
make them stop. It's the devil in a needle. Death and destruction
caused by a simple flower. My name is Lisa and for the past two years,
I have been engaged to a heroin addict. And sad to say, it won't make
year number three.
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Date: 17 Dec 2007
Hi. I have been with my
heroin addicted boyfriend for 10 months. I have known him for years
but only got together with him recently. It is the hardest thinga and I
don't know what to do. He just came home from prison after being there
for 6 mos for heroin. He went right back. My life is a nightmare. He
wants me to get drugs for him because he has no car. Stealing, lying,
shooting heroin. I am afraid to find him dead when I come home from
work. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
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Date: 21 Dec 2007
I was a single mother. I met this wonderful man that fell in love
with me as well as my child. He was perfect, he swept me off of my
feet, so polite, so perfect. After a year of dating, we became
engaged. I finally found a man that cared for me so much and cared for
the well-being of my child. Then it all started...his stories started
to turn into little lies, his drinking increased and he was so crabby
all of the time. I had no idea he was using - I have never knew anyone
before him. I wanted our relationship to work so much, that I "ignored"
he was using. I would put it in my mind that it can't be "that". After
researching in the internet, reading books and asking around, I realized
he was using. How could I be so stupid? How could I let this man
destroy me and my child's life. Why did I allow him to start so many
unneccesary arguements, making me feel as if I was crazy....he was using
all of the time. He got caught up in some big mess, went to jail for 2
weeks and I took him back - just like an idiot. He then came to me and
told me he would change and confessed his love to me even more so....the
love for my child....he said he would go to couciling....he did....he
stopped drinking and everything was perfect....we then moved in two
years later...still engaged....we started to plan our wedding....about 8
months before our wedding he started to drink...not in front of me...but
I would smell it on his breath after he would get home from work...lies
started up again....but then he seemed fine....we started to fight here
and there....right before our wedding...we fought a lot....he drank on
our wedding night and was "freaking out" on our wedding night....then we
left to our honeymoon and he was perfect again...then after we came back
we were so in love and everything was fine....two months after I found
out I was pregnant and everything was in place....then the lies started
to happen....he was always short on money....drinking again....then it
got worse...calling me names...I was crying everyday |
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